Transcript[]
Prologue[]
(The episode begins with Casey and her little sister Lizzie in their new room. That was shortly after their mother married her new husband.)
Lizzie: (to her pet hamster) Horatio, do you like your new room?
Casey: Why shouldn’t he? He’s got the cage to himself and room to exercise. We’re the ones trapped like rats with no room to breathe.
Lizzie: Don’t worry. We’ll find space for everything.
Casey: True! The desk could go on top of the bed.
Lizzie: At least mom’s really happy and George is really nice.
Casey: Mom is delusional and George being nice doesn’t make up for his three annoying children, especially the eldest. (Hears loud music coming from Derek’s room) And loudest. Not again! (Goes to Derek’s room and knocks on the door) Can you please keep it down? Derek!
Derek: (opens the door) Who are you?
Casey: I’m the stepsister you’ve always wanted.
Derek: Really?! Because, you look like the ugly stepsisters from Snow White.
Casey: That’s Cinderella, you freak. Now, could you turn down the music?
Derek: Oh. Well. Why didn’t you say so? (Turns off the music) You know, never have any noise complaints when Edwin had that room before he was forced upstairs to make room for you guys.
Casey: Room?! What room?! There is no room in our room.
Derek: Oh. Sure there is. (Heads into Casey and Lizzie’s new room) No there isn’t. You should really get rid of some of your junk.
Casey: (throws a ball at him) Get out!
Derek: That’s really an annoying way to treat your new brother. (Leaves).
[ Theme Song ]
Casey: Okay. So, there are two ways to play this. I suck it up and make the best of a bad situation or I gently make my feelings know that and suggest that something should be done about it like immediately.
(Scene cuts to Casey writing a letter to her mother.)
Casey: Dear mother! I know you’re happy with your new husband and I’m happy for you. However, I myself am not happy. Your new husband has three children who A, don’t respect private property.
(Scene cuts to Casey entering the bathroom one morning and sees Marty with her toothbrush.)
Casey: Marty, please give me back my toothbrush.
Marty: Say, please.
Casey: I just did!
Marty: No!
Casey: B, don’t respect privacy.
(Edwin enters the bathroom.)
Casey: Edwin, don’t you people knock in this house?
Edwin: What?! (Screams) (Screams and runs out of the bathroom).
Casey: And C, don’t respect shared public spaces.
(Derek enters the bathroom and picks up Marty.)
Derek: Smarty!
Marty: Put me down, Smerek!
Derek: Sorry, Smarty! (To Casey) Do you mind?
Casey: Uh. Yeah! I was here first.
Derek: Uh. Well. Suit yourself.
(Casey leaves the bathroom.)
Casey: Yours in purgatory, Casey.
(Casey heads downstairs to see her mother, Nora, who is having a candlelit dinner with her new husband, George.)
Nora: Oh. Hi, Case!
Casey: Uh. Mom. I left a letter on your dresser, since you don’t reply to my emails.
Nora: Like the one with the subject line: Divorce George.
Casey: Yes! No offense, George.
George: None taken. How’s it going up there?
Casey: Well. Since you asked, A, there’s no room for my desk, B, Derek’s an idiot. Again, no offense.
George: Again, none taken.
Nora: Casey, please, no more lists. Let’s tackle one thing at a time.
George: Tell you what. I’ll come upstairs after dinner and see what I can do about the desk. But, umm. Derek, he’s more of a long term project.
(The scene changes to Derek going into the room and seeing Casey on the computer.)
Derek: What’s all this stuff?
Casey: They’re called textbooks. You use them to study.
Derek: Study what?! School hasn’t even started yet. Oh. Wait. Let me guess. You are a total keener.
Casey: If you mean I take learning seriously. Then, yeah!
Derek: Oh. Good! Since we’re in the same grade, you won’t mind making two copies of everything you do.
Casey: Please, it’s bad enough, we’re going to the same school, we’re not handing in the same work.
Derek: Seems kinda selfish, don’t you think.
Marty: Computer game!
Casey: Not now, Marty. I gotta get organized for school tomorrow.
Marty: Computer game right now! Please.
Edwin: It’s the one where you put the apples in the basket. Pretty thin concept, but, the gameplay is solid. Keeps her busy for days.
Marty: I wanna play.
Casey: Okay.
(Scene transitions to Casey sitting on a throne, dressed as a queen, looking pretty bored. Scene cuts to Nora coming into Casey’s room to check on her daughter who is still adjusting to their new lives.)
Nora: How’s my favorite drama queen?
Casey: I’m having trouble coping with the current situation which incidentally sucks.
Nora: Well. You could always talk to the school guidance counsellor. I mean, he sounded really nice on the phone.
Casey: School guidance counsellor?! Please, he’s probably like halftime guidance counsellor halftime gym teacher.
Nora: Computer science, actually. Maybe, I can help. C’mon! Make room for mama. (Casey moves over, so her mother can sit down on the bed with her) I think we’re getting bigger.
Casey: And I think my room is getting smaller.
Nora: Oh. Try and give it a chance.
Casey: Mom, I try to give everything a chance. You and George dating, you and George getting married, you and George making me move. Why can’t we just go back to our old life?
Nora: Oh. You know we can’t go back now and besides, this is your new home.
Casey: No, it’s George, Derek, Edwin and Marty’s home, mom. Look around. Lizzie and I are crammed in this room and it’s a three ring circus in the hallway. Do you really expect me to work out there?!
Nora: I’ll talk to George.
(Later on, George shows Casey the basement.)
George: This is the perfect spot for your desk. It’s our old rec room. The boys don’t use it anymore and Marty plays in the upstairs hallway.
Casey: Smart kid!
George: You’ll have total privacy for your schoolwork.
Casey: It’s a little depressing.
George: Oh. It’s not like you’d sleep down here, just a place to study.
Casey: George, the problem is that I find basements soul destroying, especially this one. No offense!
George: None taken. Again!
(The next morning.)